Bollywood

I always wanted to be a director....

A rather interesting website, create your own Bollywood movie. On the day that Chelsea got dumped out of the FA cup by the tykes of Barnsley...I had made this one earlier to send to a scouse supporting pal....

Goldenballs & all that!

Chelsea visited California last month and the NY blues paid a visit to a well known landmark high up on the Hollywood hills.

We had intended to go but the new house or rather the new A/C & furnace looked after that!

As it turns out the missus had one of her premonitions about going to LA. In the heel of it, She became dangerously ill & was hospitalised the day of the first game. I shudder to think what may have happened to her had we been in LA.

As for the game or the glamourfest that was Beck's first day on the job, it was a pile of shi*e, the lads could have won by a barrel-load but must have been told to lay off.

Glad to be back

I take a while off from this page and the Sporting world turns upside down back home.

Ireland draw with Zimbabwe and beat Pakistan in Cricket, not in a friendly but in the bloody World Cup!

The Rugby team win the triple crown again and are ranked 4th in the world!. The gaelic footballers of Wexford are being talked about of possible Championship material meanwhile Mick Wallace secures his dream of National league Soccer and his young charges are leading the league.


One of Wallace's proteges Kevin Doyle is setting the Premiership alight for Reading while back over on Planet Rugby, the Glenville road's own Gordon D'Arcy is one of the best players in the world game.

Meanwhile Croke Park is open to soccer & rugby, the rugger buggers doing their part by giving England it's heaviest ever hiding by the Emerald Isle. Still on Rugby, Munster are European Club Champions and look a good bet to retain their crown.

The boxers are winning tournaments all over the shop which I am sure has something to with their coach, the Olympian, the legendary Billy Walsh of St. Josephs, a true gentleman!


The International Soccer team led by Stan Laurel & Bobby Hardy secure a momentous win over the superpower that is San Marino (the Leitrim of European soccer) and were hammered by the Uber-power that is Cyprus which when translated into french is pronounced like a wooly quadruped. I'll write more, soon, on the sick beggar that the Irish international football team has become under the auspices of the Gobshites of Merrion Square & their yes-men staff but now is the time to celebrate success not mediocrity.


Our Domestic league is gaining some notoriety at last. Derry City, Drogheda United & Cork City did the country proud in European qualifying last year yet there is clearly still some way to go. Great strides however are being made every season it appears to this distant but proud observer.


The tiddlywinks team beat Lechtenstein last week while the horseshoe duo of Connors & Connors gave the Albanians a run for their money in the over 65s in Taghmon at the weekend .


How the worm has turned for Irish Sport!

A whale of a story

They are still bleating on about this bloody whale in the press back yonder. Someone had the good sense if not the taste to send the whole thing up.

Genus Muppetus

Muppets, a term Jim Henson gave us back in the late sixties or was it even earlier that that?

Anyway the word has now seeped into our consciousness particularly those of us from The Western European Isles.

If you're a "muppet", it generally means you're a "saddo", an "anorak", basically a pain in the arse.

These days I seem to meet more & more of them maybe it's me getting older and crankier but there's only so much blather one can put up with.

We have muppets that follow Chelsea for instance that swallow every crap piece of reporting or rumour mongering that the English media dream up - these muppets are known as "new fans" who have jumped on the bandwagon, particularly so in the last two years. They are not to be confused with the muppet known as a Manchester United Fan who are a different breed altogether although they do share some genes in fickleness and ignorance.

I could go on about the muppets we all encounter at our workplaces who revel in muck-raking and making mischief but I won't - the trick is not to listen and if everybody ignores the ignorant, they will melt away.

Then there are those maniac muppets we meet on the highway, the ones that absolutely, positively must get to the traffic lights at 90 miles an hour, almost driving you, your family and a host of other cars into the ditch, in their rush to oblivion and then slouch down in their seat as you pull up beside them, maintaining eye contact at a fixed point in the windscreen before them. The light goes green and they're off like Michael Schumacher in a F1 Ferrari - 2 mins later you pass them pulled over by those great folk of the Ohio State Patrol (closest thing to driving nirvana when you see that!).

There are many more species of muppet out there, like the surly "convenience/movie store clerk-muppet" or the "Stadium attendant muppet" that regards a stick of celery as an offensive weapon (Chelsea fans at Chicago know all about that one). There is a universe of muppets out there who could all do with a good dose of "exlax" laden chocolate to begin with.

I could go on but I think by now you understand the term "muppets" as we lovingly call these morons across the pond. Genus Muppetus should be the scientific term to enter the lexicon.

At least Kermit had an excuse for being a muppet, he had a hand up his arse!

The Twenty Six Counties - a tour

Carl Zeiss Fenlon sent this to me today from the old Country, I may have added a bit or three!

Carlow = Mad for sugar beet, can’t get enough of it. Hobbies: Growing sugar beet. Site of many road crashes as the place is so boring, many fall asleep at the wheel. Also fond of rustling sheep from Kildare & Wicklow and depriving both Counties of a healthy sex life. Has a huge Braun factory for making moustache razors for the women of Leitrim.

Cavan = filthy, ignorant hillbillies, tight. Hobbies: discovering IRA ammo dumps and knitting black balaclavas. Still learning not to "sup tay" from the saucer. Cavan is also renowned for the discovery of copper wire when two men from Arvagh were fighting over a penny!

Clare = fiddle-playing charming people and, more recently, fine footballers. Hobbies: Falling into pot-holes and being never heard from ever again, setting up golf courses in their back lawns. Has a Giant US airbase called Shannon.

Cork = the loveable rogues of Ireland. Here for everyone else’s entertainment. Hobbies: Milking cows, being European capital of culture but not knowing what exactly that means or how they got it boy? Calls itself the Rebel County which is an oxymoron as they are known for being a shower of sell-outs & informing backstabbing bastards. Why do Seagulls fly upside down over Cork City? They're not good enough to shit on!

Donegal = away in their own world up there, not much known about this eccentric type. Hobbies: Stripping the Irish coast of fishies, running back up to their corner of the island and blaming the Spanish….aye twas the Spanish!! Winning an All-Ireland every century and playing host to Gay Byrne.

Dublin North = criminals, drug dealers and factory workers, dirty women, skinheads and all-round examples of human waste. Hobbies: Heroin and watching serial numbers being filed off stolen BMW's, joy-riding anything from a lexus to a washing machine.
Dublin South = west Brits, snobs, rich, easy glamorous women. Hobbies: talking shite and sleeping with their best friend's spouse or mother. Difference between a Northside & Southside woman having an orgasm, Southsider drops her voice, Northsider drops her chips.

Galway = sophisticated culchies, sexually adventurous, cultured and wealthy. Hobbies: Teaching sex acrobatics to foreign tourists, dropping acid, juggling with fire on the streets, paying a million euro for a three bedroom suburban house and pretending it was a bargain.

Kerry = God’s kingdom on earth, no doubt about it. Some of the best land in Ireland but they don’t tell anyone this. Hobbies: Football, swimming with dolphins, football, seeing how many foreigners they can score each year, football, hosting a massive festival every week, football, going to the south pole and football. Arrogant bastards - a kerryman with an inferiority complex is one who thinks everyone else is as good as him.

Kildare = is anyone really from Kildare or are they all just from Dublin? Hobbies: Denying they have anything to do with Dublin. Spending best part of 4 hours each day travelling to and from Dublin. Using Daz for whiter than white jerseys on a summer’s day. Known as the 3S' county - Short grass, Sheepshit & Soldiers.

Kilkenny = red haired alcoholics who refuse to believe not all land in Ireland is capable of growing barley and wheat “not a bother”. Hobbies = driving massive combines, hosting comedy festivals and having red-haired babies. Hurling royalty though Gaelic Football's red haired stepchild as they get beaten like one everytime.

Laois = harmless aul bunch of lads, hope to have the whole county by-passed at some stage by 2025 so they can get on with their own business. Hobbies: Living an honest life, collecting EU development grants, getting the piss taken out of them for being the queen’s county…ha-ha ye plantation bastards! Basically in hurling circles, they are renowned as the poor man's Offaly.

Leitrim = enigmatic reclusive weirdos. Hobbies: learning about traffic lights and roundabouts in school (night school for adults that is), Men have hairy palms and women pride themselves on their moustaches. Also known as Sligo's bitch.

Limerick = grand place, great sports people, city has bad reputation through no fault of its own. Hobbies: stabbing people, gang-land murders, drug hauls, graffiti spraying, joy-riding…. Has it's own TV show, Limerick CSI.

Longford = Gombeen men & Lumberjacks. Trees, trees & more trees. Hobbies: Legalising bestiality and wishing they were from Leitrim.

Louth = IRA supporters, smugglers and bandits. Hobbies: Tearing through Cooley at 125MPH trying to stop the boxes of cheap vodka from falling out the window. Often referred to as being anti-Semitic but they say they just prefer "McArdles".

Mayo = Depressing, defeatist, negative, misery-laden losers, emigrate as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. Hobbies: roaring about how great they are, whinging about why nobody likes them. Home of the term - "Culchie" (Kiltymagh) & site of Europe's most misplaced International Airport.

Meath = either Dublin wannabes or mad country bucks. Hobbies: Beating Dublin at GAA and hoping that one day somebody in Dublin will actually notice, driving massive john deere’s cos they’re big, green and yellow too. home of Irelands's answer to Essex man - Navan man. Meathmen learned to walked upright in the last century, they have come a long way since in fairness.

Offaly = Bog. We put the "y" in Offal. Hobbies = exploiting bogs and later making them into tourist attractions…hats off! Noted for having the biggest mental hospital in Ireland. An Offalyman is affectionately known to Leinster's hurling royals (i.e.) Kilkenny & Wexford people as a "Biffo" = "Big Ignorant Fucker From Offaly".

Roscommon = flat county, a silage pit is a mountain. Hobbies: Sheep-stealing, favourite tome is The "Sheep Kama Sutra", they don't have a horny sheep on their crest for nothing!

Sligo = either in their 20s and a surfer or in their 80s and a granny, no in-betweens. Hobbies: Surfing and knitting wet-suits for their grand children. Link road between Mayo & Donegal.

Tipperary = promiscuous girls, Tipp does not have two different Ridings for nothing! Hobbies: Getting a flat in Dublin and losing their accents and hoping their parents don't find out. Has a town that sounds like an ambulance siren - Nenagh!

Waterford = decent honest hard-workers generally good folks and if you believe that, hah! Hobbies: Calling a strike, blowing glass, calling a strike, eating blahs. The only good thing to come out of Waterford is the road to Wexford.

Westmeath = like most midlanders, generally boring. Hobbies, much like some people up north, winning one football title and then believing they know it all about football. Home of Ireland's "Las Vegas" - Mullingar, gave us such stars as Foster & Allen, Joe Dolan & Donie Cassidy's wig.

Wexford = Brown earth you’d wanna take home in your pockets. Hobbies = selling their “home-grown” organic fruit (bought at supermarket that morning) at the side of the road in summer and ripping-off gullible Dubliners out for a drive in the country. Also beating Kilkenny in hurling and going on the piss for the rest of the summer (with the team). Home to Ireland's own version of "deliverance" - Kilmore Quay.

Wicklow = either country snobs with range rovers or poor aul sheep farmers with peak caps and a small black and white sheep dog with dirt all over him. Hobbies: setting up illegal dumps in their back lawns and denying all knowledge of that 300,000 tons of asbestos, nappies and syringes -"Never saw it till now your honour". Wicklowmen are also known as Sheep hustlers as opposed to the rustlers below in Carlow. What do you call a Wicklowman with 3 sheep? - a pimp!

Monaghan was missing, but did anyone really notice? A sad state of affairs when it's best known son was a chronic masturbator who wrote about "the stony grey soil".

To come, the remaining six counties of our lovely Island..Stay tuned!

Finnish Cowboys & the Hook

The search has been on for the movie "Leningrad Cowboys go America", a simply brilliant movie from Finland. it had it all, Rockabilly, pointy shoes and quiffs to die for. The music incidentally is brilliant! I have located a dvd across the pond and it soon should be winging it's way over here fairly soon. Their concert with the Red Army Choir in St.Petersburg will also be joining the Library. Have a looksee here at "Kalinka" from that concert here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJIeBsvxh4k

The lads decide to tour America but one of the group dies on the way there so they tour America with the stiff in his coffin tied to the top of the car; I've located a clip here from the movie here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcovyF8j50g . The Cowboys hit Nashville. As they cross the states they try a variety of musical styles from Steppenwolf to Mariachi..it is just a great little movie and deserves a proper re-release and a new generation of fans discovering it.

The movie was so big in Wexford's Hook peninsula that even the trees got in on the act. Actually I just had to include this picture in this blog. I took it in '98 one winter's day on the Hook Drive just up the road from Templetown. "The wind can get hairy down here during the winter", my cousin Billy Walsh told me when I was visiting him at the Hook lighthouse. Looking at the tree above, you knew he was telling the truth.

Billy was one of the keepers at the Hook till the Commissioner of Irish Lights automated all the stations. Billy is a great fellah who gave me many opportunities to explore the tower and marvel at it's engineering. Nowadays I understand it is open to the public. If you're in the vicinity, pay it a visit.

Pottering about...

We were in NY in August, 2005. Harry Potter fever was all around with the release of the latest tome. In Little Italy, the T-shirt shops were selling these shirts at $10 a pop and I should have bought one as my workplace was full of eager fans who were about to read the latest episode. But being the considerate person I am, I decided not to spoil their fun.Even In France, the shirts had made an appearance like this one above.

The translation of which is "Prof Dumbledore is killed on page 556, (he is actually confirmed to be dead on p605)".

Jones the Actor, FA Cup & the Brady Bunch

VINNIE

These pictures show Vinny Jones getting friendly with England's enfant terrible Paul Gasgoine. No doubt "Gazza" was trying to be a smart-arse and Vinny was having none of it.

What can you say about Vinny that hasn't been said already. I have to say I enjoyed his contribution to the game, especially the contribution he made after 5 seconds in the 1988 FA cup final when he took the legs from under Liverpool's Steve MacMahon and received the fastest yellow card ever in a game. "Macca" was subdued after that and the "Crazy Gang" of Wimbledon FC won the cup with a shock 1-0 win.

The Wimbledon players celebrated with their fans at Plough Lane a few nights later when the players mooned their faithful and brought the "tut-tuts & their wives" out of the woodwork. The "Wombles" after this abandoned their home and began their long march in the 90's towards their near oblivion. They now are incarnated as the MK Dons while their longsuffering fans had enough, setting up a new club AFC Wimbledon in response to their team's abandonment...a sad state of affairs. The last game I saw incidentally at Stamford Bridge was a 3-1 win against them in 2000, we won 3-1 and they were relegated. I left for pastures anew a couple of weeks after that.

But back to Vinnie...

Vinny played for a while with Chelsea and it is fair to say he still is a popular figure at the"Bridge" because of his commitment to the cause even though he played for "Dirty Leeds". Still who can forget his sliding tackle on the Leeds mascot one day! Yes it really did happen! Vinny claims he slipped......

Nobody in their wildest dreams could ever have put Vinny Jones & Hollywood movie star in the same sentence and if you did, you would be asked, "what were you on?"

But he is and more power to him and has a string of appearances that would make more noted actors very envious. He is a frequent visitor to my hometown of Wexford, is a big Greyhound enthusiast and can be often found having apint in Jim Bradys bar with the proprietor & his pals from the area. My own oul fellah met him a few years ago in Capetown, South Africa and they had a laugh at how small the world is. From "Bradys to the Cape" as they remarked...

"Bradys to the Cape" is a great pub-crawl in Wexford, one to be treated with great respect and a "good fry-up" before you start. "Bradys" is in the red City of Maudlintown, technically the end of the Faythe to Eddie Macken's pub, "the Cape" in the Bull-ring.

There's a great story about "Bradys" & Brad Pitt but I'll tell that another day. There's an equally good story about Mackens but I'll digress on that one.

The FA Cup

The Competition has it's 125th incarnation this year, the 3rd round beginning this weekend when the big guns get involved.

It was in 1970 that I became a Chelsea fan, when we beat Leeds in the replay...I was 6 years old then, what a team that was! Peter Osgood scored in every round that year. Peter left us last year, he was 59 years old at the time of his passing - more on him to come in a future post.

Chelsea's win in 1997 was particularly memorable for all us Blues. It signalled an end to the long drought - all those trophyless years, Robbie Di Matteo's wonderstrike after 44 seconds, the fastest coal ever in a Cup Final, Mark Hughes' 4th medal ( & he a lifelong Chelsea fan), Matthew Harding's memory, the 4-2 win in the 3rd round v Liverpool, the contentious win against Leicester, ultimately Wisey lifting the cup and lifting a lot of monkeys off all our backs in so doing.

In 1988, little Wimbledon took on the might of Liverpool and as I described earlier with some outrageous fortune and tremendous heart took the spoils in an upset of enormous dimensions. Some Liverpool players never were the better for it after that day. Ronny Whelan, John Aldridge & Ray Houghton in particular took great heart from it and helped Ireland stage their own shock win over England in the European Championships a month later, see http://deadlydeshravenspoint.blogspot.com/2005/02/1988-and-all-that.html .

Ten years before, the Wombles of Wimbledon were playing non league football in their little nondescript ground at Plough Lane in that famous borough. Their rise was mercurial culminating in that win in 1988 in the World's oldest Cup competition.

That is the romance of "the Cup", pitting David v Goliath, amateur v professional, Non-league v Premier whatever cliche you can muster. I am sure every schoolkid that kicked a ball in the Islands of Britain & Ireland dreamt of walking out on Wembley's hallowed green turf, scoring the winning goal for their team. I know I did, rounding three Man United / Liverpool defenders in the blue of Chelsea as ITV's Brian Moore did the commentary, slipping the winning goal through the keepers legs in the dying seconds...oh happy days!

The Red Peril

An Irish Scarecrow

Silage Bales, always useful for something

Especially for the literate birds of County Wexford.

Dave Allen

About this time every year, when I was a kid I had one mission in life to see Dave Allen's new years eve show on BBC 2.

Dave Allen came into the world as David Tynan O'Mahony, his father was managing editor of The peerless Irish times.

He tried to break into journalism but the doors of Fleet Street were closed to him so he worked his early passage as a Butlin's redcoat and then began the long apprenticeship of British workmen's clubs & variety halls - an arduous experience for many.

He worked for Aussie TV in the 60's and returned to the UK with a reputation, he soon broke into the big-time and some years later had his own TV show on the beeb where his shaggy dog' stories were to make him legendary.

He'd sit on a stool, a glass of whiskey in one hand, a cigarette in the other and regale us with his observations on life & all its foibles not to mention his yarns interspersed with sketches which to this day are hilarious & relevant.

I loved him for his irreverence and indeed for his profound logic & wit...he loved to attack the stupidity & hypocrisy he saw in everyday life, the Catholic Church in particular he was scathing about...those of us who grew up in Ireland during the 60's & 70's found him a breath of fresh air.

Have a look at some of the sketches below brought to you by fellow fans & the good people at YouTube.

As Dave would say..."Good night & may your God go with you!".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IfoUM6a4bA

(The vagaries of the English language)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kLTbvjqF6Y

(Funeral Sketch)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciR91CEZgSE&mode=related&search

(The Great escape)

Happy CHRISTmas

Well it's all over bar the shouting or should that be the ripping of paper by excited little people, no I'm not talking about Leprechauns on Speed or Elves on Acid....the real little people, the kids...anyway enjoy the following.

For all who pop in here, just to wish you a happy CHRISTmas! and may you have a wonderful New Year.